2009 | Knowledge World

The 5 Best Hero Lessons

I wrote a column called “Heroes Among Us” for the Orange County Register, Sun Post News for years. The stories focused on people who did heroic things, so that we may all learn from them. Every year I wrap up with the best hero lessons. From well over 100 hero lessons each year, the following are the top five. Several lessons apply to many of the heroes. Since I believe we all have the capability to live a great life, a life that is heroic, these are things that you, too, can do. You can create a better world around you. Your good actions will affect us all.

My definition of a hero is “someone who helps someone in time of need. “We all need that help, but we also are here to give that help. May these traits help you in the year to come.

Here they are:

1. Create a New Reality
We need new ways of thinking and doing things. Herb Modelevsky, M.D. donates his time by appearing in hospitals as a real clown. Herbie the Clown” cheers up the children who are sick. Herbie helps them, not escape their lives, but create a new way to think about their circumstances. By creating a different reality, the children can see themselves in the world that Herbie opens up. Fun, laughter and the possibility of a clown in a hospital, make the children smile. Herbie shows them there is magic everywhere. Create a new reality that includes a better life for all of us. Use fantasy and magic and play.

2. Take Unexpected Opportunities as the Gifts They Are
Hero Alice Netzen, age 91, still performs. She sings her beautiful heart out to the people of Southern California. Alice started performing in vaudeville. She had her own radio show back then. That got her career going. Alice’s boyfriend auditioned for a radio program. He didn’t get the radio show but he coaxed Alice into auditioning. She took the chance and beat out 648 other competitors to have her own radio program during the dinner hour. That was an opportunity that changed her life.

3. Time is the Most Important Thing in the World
For Cyndi Martin and other heroes, time is far more valuable than money. Most of Cyndi’s time is spent doing whatever she can to help her son Taylor to live as normal a life as possible. Taylor has NF-2, a rare genetic disease that creates a series of tiny tumors that attach to the brain, the central nervous system, and the spinal cord. Cyndi states “Don’t focus on the things. Focus on the time you have with people.” In families, in business, no matter what you do, it is the “time” we spend with people, with ourselves, or with God, that is the most important thing.

4. Hold on For the Long Term
Almost every hero realized that change may take awhile, especially social change. These heroes keep going even if the results aren’t instant. Cultural changes take time “especially when you are talking about children,” says Dr. Francis Mead-Messinger. “You don’t really know until children get into their twenties what kind of an impact something may have.” This probably goes back to her roots. Her great-grandmother was full-blooded Choctaw. They think generations ahead in their decisions. Our purpose is given wings through our actions. Any action toward your worthwhile goal is also worth holding on to, until it manifests.

5. You Can Always Give
Many heroes build their lives around giving. It gives them great joy inside to give. They give to help others. That is what I consider to be a true hero. No matter what life throws at you, you can always find a way…to give.

Put these traits into your own life and watch as you take a step toward bringing out that hero in you!

Live like a hero!

Terri Marie

7 Words That Will Change Your Life

These words absolutely will change your life. There are small words with magnetic power to bring your life to a whole new level, one with abundance, peace, and success. They are words that are simple, but strong. Words that set deep in your soul and deliver to you, your best life. They are probably some of the most magical and profound words in the dictionary. These words are set in short phrases that clear one’s path of soul debris and spirit obstacles.

If these were the only words you ever spoke, you would achieve more in life than most of the people in the world, because you will have discovered the secret to a more successful existence.

These words are:

THANK YOU ...The Immense Power of Gratitude

Gratitude blesses. It blesses the grateful and the giver. The giver is always God in one form or another. When you bless God, the whole world smiles a deep smile, because love grows that way. Every blessing you give, blesses you too. How often we fail to use this huge power. Instead we curse our fate, or worse, we curse others, or the worst, we curse God himself. In every situation in life, there is a blessing, even if it appears as just a seed. Plant the seed through gratitude. Be thankful for life in all its splendor and drama.

Celebrate Thanksgiving every day. When you do, Christmas is just around the corner.

My good friend Stein Eriksen, has an incredible life. I am sure that is because of his habit of saying three “Thank you’s” to everything he receives. He has mastered the great power of “Thank you.”

I FORGIVE YOU...The Immense Power of Forgiveness

Holding a grudge is like storing garbage. It starts to decay everything around it. It smells. And the habit grows. Forgiving is getting rid of life’s waste. Put it in its proper place, in the garbage can of the past. Forgiving others and yourself is the most divine, yet beautifully human, act. When you forgive, it frees you from attracting similar people and circumstances. Forgiving is the greatest gift you can give yourself, because you will open the door to more love in your life and you will increase the amount of love in the world. Forgiving is emptying your heart of debris, washing it clean and spotless. That fresh heart attracts great things, not more debris. That heart will fill with love like an endless spring when you make forgiveness part of you. It’s your choice. Forgive and shine, or hold on to the emotional trash of the past and continue to rot. Give your life the blessing of forgiveness.

Foster Hibbard, a student of the great Napoleon Hill, (Think and Grow Rich) gave my good friend John Harricharan a set of wonderful tapes. One of the insightful things Foster said was to practice saying silently to every person you meet, “I forgive you.” I’ve tried it. I use it all the time. This practice is almost like having a magic wand. People can always feel this at some level. And you feel good knowing you are not only forgiving them, but you are also giving them a blessing. You can read an article by Foster as John’s gift at www.insight2000.com.

I CAN...The Immense Power of Belief

How strong these words are! “I can” precedes any great act, any courageous endeavor. Any attempt to raise the human towards the divine starts with these four amazing letters. “I can” shows God that you understand his precious gift to co-create and your divine duty to do so. It tells God that you appreciate and will use his gift of life. We bring the world higher by first believing it to be so. When we don’t buy into how things appear but instead state our intention for a better way, God smiles. He knows we are starting to get it. God believes in us, or we wouldn’t exist. It’s time we believe too.

My dear friend, the late Dottie Walters, who wrote “Speak and Grow Rich” – no relation to Napoleon Hill except for their great belief in the human spirit - believes that every solution is contained in the problem. Her first major obstacle in life was saving the family home. She did it with the power of “I can” as she pushed her two babies in a stroller with cardboard in her shoes to sell her first ad in a shopper’s column. The mortgage got paid because of Dottie’s belief. My friend, you have that same power to believe. Use it wisely.

Use the power of these seven words. They can lift your days. They will bless your spirit. They will empower you. These are the great words our creator gave us and blessed us with. On your amazing journey through your life, use these 23 little letters in the right combination of “I can” “I forgive you” and “Thank you” and watch for the magic.

I bless you, I thank you, and I forgive you, my fellow travelers. Go and be magnificent.
You can.

Terri Marie

To Create a positive state of mind - Watch What you Say!

First let's talk about the power of words. Words are so powerful that they have accomplished everything in this world, and they have destroyed everything in this world. Words can start wars, and they can negotiate peace. They can start marriages, and they can destroy marriages. They can start businesses, and they can end businesses. They can start goals, and they can end goals. They can lead to success, and they can undo your success.
Words are the color of life.
A football team can't run a simple play without huddling up and exchanging words. All the team members run out, they get into their huddle around the quarterback, and they key in on what the quarterback is saying. They don't just listen for what play he calls. They're affected by his cadence, by how he's coming off, by whether his tone is positive or negative. They're going to feed off all that.

Likewise, everyone in your life will feed off the power of your words. And the most important person in the world who will feed off your words is you.

Remember, words aren't just what comes out of your mouth. They're what you think - your active thoughts. People are constantly thinking about yesterday, today, tomorrow, what happened five years ago, what am I going to buy, what am I going to eat, I can't believe he said that or she said that...
Words are constantly rolling like credits down the screen of your mind, and whatever those words say, your subconscious attaches to it and you begin to move towards that. And that becomes your life. If it's negative, your life will become negative. If it's predominantly positive, your life will become positive. You can start to overcome the challenges of your life by rephrasing what you say to yourself.
The number one word you can replace is "problem." Try replacing it with the word "challenge." This word is an incredible replacement for something that would otherwise drag you down like an anchor.
Say the following out loud, and really listen to the words:
"I have a major problem."
"I have a challenge."

Do you hear the difference? Did you notice how the word "challenge" sounds like something that you can work on? Something that isn't the end of the world? We don't have a major problem; we only have a challenge.
The next time you're confronted with something, try calling it a challenge instead of a problem, and see if it doesn't make a difference in how you feel about things. Do you find yourself better able to respond instead of simply feeling overwhelmed?
Another word you can use is the word "situation."
"We have a little bit of a situation on our hands."
"This situation concerns me, but it can be fixed."

By substituting the word "situation", you replace the sting of the word "problem."
Try doing this with other negative words, like "hard" or "not good" or "never." You can replace any and all the negative words with something less intimidating and more manageable.

Other phrases that I like to use:
"This is what we're going to do."
"I can; I will."
"That's very interesting."
When somebody approaches me and they say something like, "Chris, we have a problem! Oh my goodness, I can't believe it! Somebody misplaced some money, or a file, or a record that we need right now!" I will automatically respond with, "That's interesting. It seems like we have a little bit of a challenge here. All right. How do we fix this?"
Do you see what I've done? I've included everyone else in fixing the situation. I've told myself that it's only a challenge, not the end of the world. My brain hears a message that sounds positive, and it goes to work to figure out how to respond in a constructive way.
Compare this to most people's usual response: "This is a real problem! This isn't good at all! I can't believe you guys did this! Things are really getting out of hand!"
Do you see how the two responses are worlds apart? But your brain will link to either one just as readily. So it pays to train yourself to react in a more positive way.

Stay clear of words like:
• "problem"
• "hard"
• "not good"
• "bad"
• "can't"
• "won't"
• "I wish"
• "I won't"
• "They did this or they did that"

Replace them with:

• "challenge"
• "This is what we're going to do"
• "I can"
• "I will"
• "This is interesting"
• "We have a situation on our hands"

Remember how powerful words are. Don't ever forget it. And please re-read this chapter if you don't understand it.

Surviving and Thriving with Grace

It is a sad time in Columbus, OH as we mourn the loss of a very special person who has survived and thrived with an abundance of grace during the last 11 years. Stefanie Spielman lost her battle with cancer yesterday and many people are suffering from broken hearts today. She has touched so many people through her inspiring and graceful presence and purpose in fighting cancer.

People, like myself, who did not personally know Stefanie have been inspired, touched, and elevated by her grace over the years. I only had the opportunity to be in her presence at events a few times and once in passing one early morning on the track as we both started the day with some exercise. We exchanged hellos and continued on with our workouts but her presence, warmth, and grace certainly came across in that moment with her smile.

I know this world is a better place and the battle against cancer has been energized by Stefanie's commitment to live life to the fullest and truly make a difference in this world. If any of us can live to display a fraction of the grace that she did, we all would have a profound impact on this world and the people around us.

I offer the following four suggestions for surviving and thriving with grace as a tribute to Stefanie Spielman:

Find a role model and learn to be better at the things they seem to do so naturally. We all too often select our role models solely because of their prowess in an area of our interest (wealth, success, beauty, etc...). But, we need to have role models for grace as well! Stefanie was and is a great role model.
Have a cause greater than oneself. Stefanie displayed graced from the start in her 11 year battle against cancer. She immediately found a cause greater than herself and served it in living her life to the fullest.
Intentionally act with compassion and grace toward your cause and your family every day. There are many stories being shared in media about the thousands of compassionate and graceful acts that Stephanie displayed in the last 11 years. There are also many other stories of compassion and grace being shared about Stefanie's husband, Chris Spielman, and children during those 11 years. We would all do well to find one small but significant act of compassion and grace to add to our day.
Build a chain of days in your life that you act with compassion and grace. Set your sights on having more days filled with compassion and grace. Commit to and act on an opportunity to display compassion and grace. Then, set your sights on the next opportunity to act with compassion and grace. Hold yourself accountable for acting with compassion and grace each day. If you fail, forgive yourself, and start building a new chain of compassionate and graceful days when the sun rises on your next day.

We should all aspire to live life with more grace and purpose every day, no matter our circumstances or challenges. Stefanie Spielman was a very special person and her impact on this world should not end just because her fight against cancer has ended. Her life provides inspiration for us in living with greater grace and purpose.

I wish you grace and purpose as you look to create a thriving life in this world!

Live Your Dreams: Goal Setting Tips

Your dreams can become a reality by using these tips for setting goals, as you improve your self-esteem and nourish a positive attitude.

Do you have a dream or a vision for your life? Have you identified the thoughts and feelings that will allow your dream to come to form? Not having a vision, dream, or goal for yourself is like being on a boat with no destination in mind, drifting aimlessly wherever the wind and currents take you.

Often people with a negative attitude and low self-esteem feel they have no impact on their destiny. They spend time reacting to life as opposed to creating the life they desire. Setting goals for yourself puts you in control, sets your course - you choose the direction for your life. When you have a clear focus, you have less stress, more self-confidence, improved concentration and greater peace and happiness.

You are responsible for your life, not your husband, not your parents, not your boss, not your friends. This recognition puts you in the captain's seat and automatically builds self- esteem.

There are different types of goals. Life Goals are the general desires and big dreams that you want to achieve during your lifetime, such as a fulfilling job, financial security, a beautiful home. Action Goals are measureable, specific goals related to time-specific events - the ‘stepping stones’ leading you towards your life goal. For example: You may desire to have a fulfilling job in an exciting field, and to reach this goal you must first complete the specific action goal of finishing the necessary schooling.

Remember: Since you don’t know how long your life will be – if you aren’t focused on your Life Goals each day and if your Action Goals don’t relate to your Life Goals then it will very hard for you to be successful in accomplishing your Life Goals. This is why is it so empowering to first identify your Life Goals and then determine your Action Goals.

It is crucial that you have strong desire and passion for any Life Goals you set for yourself. They shouldn’t be based on what other people think you ought to do. If you are not absolutely passionate about the goal, vision, or dream, then you will be easily discouraged and more likely to lose your focus and quit as soon as you are faced with obstacles and challenges.

Remember: Blocks and Obstacles give you the opportunity to survey the territory and strengthen your commitment to your goals.

Once you define your vision, imagine yourself living your life with your Life Goal fully accomplished. Does it make you feel excited and energized or tired and overwhelmed? Ask yourself, "If I could have it, would I take it?" If your answer is, “No,” then adjust your goal until you are able to answer this question with a resounding, “Yes.” Then Go For It!

Live Your Dreams - Goal-Setting Process:

1. Identify your dreams, visions, goals: Answer the following questions:
a. What do I want?
b. What would I like my obituary to say about my life?
c. What’s on my ‘bucket list’ of things I would like to do, accomplish in my life?
d. What is my heart song?
2. Ask the Test Question – If I could have it, would I take it? Adjust your goal until you can answer the test question with a resounding, YES.
3. Affirm your dreams, vision, goals: Create the following:
a. Affirmations written in the present tense reinforcing your desired result: I have a loving, supportive, nourishing relationships with my family. I am healthy in my mind body spirit. I am financially secure.
b. A Vision Board Collage of images and words that represent your vision fully accomplished. Look at your Vision Board daily to connect your heart and mind with your hearts’ desire.
4. List the thoughts, feelings, words and actions that support the full accomplishment of your goals.
5. Specify Action Goals including specific deadlines.
6. Take Action in your thoughts, words and behavior that reflect your commitment to your vision.
7. Acknowledge Success along the way. When you acknowledge your success along the way you energetically nourish yourself and deepen and expand your focus on your desired result.
8. Create and Adjust make adjustments to your Action Goals as you become aware of new information along the way.
9. Allow Success demonstrate your faith by affirming your desired result before you can even see it.
10. Ask for Support and help when you become unsure of success and are discouraged by obstacles and challenges.

Remember: Allow time for setting your Life Goals. Once you know what you want, and your heart and mind are aligned the next steps will present themselves and your actions will naturally support your hearts’ desire. Your main tasks in living your dreams is to define your goals, have faith in your ability to be successful and take actions in your thinking, feeling, speaking and behavior that reflect your hearts’ desire.

Top Ten Happiness Robbers

Top Ten Happiness Robbers
By
Bill Cottringer

“You can never make another person happy, only unhappy. ~The author.

Are you happy enough with your happiness bank account balance? Knowing that a happiness bank account balance can never be high enough, here are a few bank robbers you will want to avoid at all costs:

1. Beliefs. Wrong, irrational or selfish beliefs are perpetual robbers of the happiness bank. You often aren’t even aware of what “wrong” beliefs you have that may be withdrawing happiness from your account when you think they are making deposits. One very basic belief to get correct is the choices you have in eliminating sources of unhappiness and increasing the happiness sources. The other correct belief to have is your belief in your own power to do these things by taking positive actions to get the realities you want.

2. Time. Not having enough time to do what you need to do can really drain your happiness bank. Good time management involves three main thinking tricks: (a) viewing time as more fluid and psychological than consistently mechanical (b) having a positive attitude towards the time you do have (c) setting and keeping the priorities that contribute most to your main purpose in what you are trying to do. When you avoid typical time-wasters (clutter, mistake repair, other people’s emergencies) and practice these three thinking tricks above, then impatience—the biggest robber of all—starts to fade.

3. Perceptions. It is probably safe to say that most perceptions you have of others and that others have of you are incorrect, or at the least incomplete. Not taking the time or not making the assertive effort to correct mistaken perceptions adds to unhappiness because of the wrong things you feed yourself about situations involving people. Negative self-talk about yourself and others, when it is usually wrong, leads to unnecessary unhappiness.

4. Thoughts. Thinking itself isn’t the robber, but rather under-thinking or over-thinking what you are doing. Under-thinking usually results in missing important details and making mistakes, while over-thinking adds unnecessary, irrelevant details and wastes valuable acting time. Get what information that is available within a reasonable amount of time and then make your best choice to act in the easiest way that will get the best results and have the least negative side effects. And remember, things are rarely quite as simple as we would like or quite as comlicated as we imagine.

5. Feelings. Again, it is not necessarily feelings that are the robbers, but not understanding what purpose feelings serve and what they mean in the pursuit of happiness. Simply put, good, positive feelings serve the main purpose of encouragement in letting you know you are on the right path, while bad, negative feelings are a kind reminder that you may want to re-evaluate your approach to what you are trying to do.

6. Problems. Yes in deed, problems are an inevitable part of life and an attitude of accepting that reality is the best happiness anti-robbery protection plan there is. The right attitude to have about problems are that they are valuable opportunities to learn important things that can help you solve the next really big one that will surely be coming your way, especially if you have learned to deal with it already.

7. Human Nature. We are all full of pride, ego, rebelliousness, talk and other character flaws by nature, but that doesn’t mean they have to hold us hostage causing much unnecessary unhappiness in the process. The key is not to try and get rid of these things altogether, because that is impossible. What makes sense is to strive for a reasonably healthy balance between the extremes ego and humility, self and others, rebelliousness and obedience and talking and listening.

8. Purpose. Not knowing your purpose in life or in anything you are trying to do, or having the “wrong” purpose can rob you of much happiness. For instance, losing weight or quitting smoking to be more appealing to someone else will probably just lead to disappointment and serious unhappiness.

9. Adversity. Adversity is an accumulation of problems leading you into a dark tunnel, sometimes undeserved. You can only get through the adversity tunnel with a huge debt of unhappiness by caving in, or a bigger bank balance of happiness from persevering and weathering the storm with a good character that shines its light for others to admire.

10. Vicious Circles. There is both a gift and curse nature to human self-consciousness. The gift nature is that by thinking about yourself and what you are doing, you can correct things like perceptions when they are wrong, and avoid the happiness robber. Of course the curse nature is that you can easily get caught up in vicious circles like worrying about angst, being unhappy about being unhappy, and getting distressed about stress.

Take a quick inventory of your happiness bank balance and see what robbers are making unnoticed withdrawals behind your back.

The Attitude of Gratitude

“It is impossible to feel grateful and depressed in the same moment.” - Naomi Williams

You may not like what I’m about to share with you here, but after years of suffering from feeling “down,” “sad,” and “depressed” I can guarantee that what I’m about to tell you is true.

If you’re feeling sad right now it’s because you’re deleting all the things you could focus on that would make you feel good.

I know, it sounds way too simple.

And guess what? That’s part of the beauty of this “secret.” It IS simple.

If you truly want to be consistently happy, you must begin building the habit of identifying what’s “right” in your life, as an alternative to focusing on what’s “wrong.”

One way to do this is to develop an appreciation of what you already have in your life, instead of what you lack. Constantly thinking about what you don’t have diminishes the value of what you do have!

As a replacement for comparing yourself to others who appear to have more than you, why not spend some time thinking about those who have less than you? Learning to make these “downward” comparisons, more often than you make “upward” comparisons, will naturally help you to feel happier with your life and more grateful for the things you do have.

Your happiness depends less on getting “stuff,” and more on your attitude towards what you already have. It’s often challenging to learn and remember, but when all is said and done life is not about acquiring “things.” Sure, things can make life more comfortable and enjoyable, but keep in mind the old adage, “you can’t take it with you.” Making the most of what we do have will eventually bring us more of the things we don’t have, especially happiness.

A simple way to implement this concept in your own life is to write down or think about three to five things each day that you're grateful for. They can be anything from the simplest moment to something quite significant.

You may find this exercise a bit challenging at first, especially if you’re in the habit of always looking for and focusing on the negative. Don’t give up. Stay with it, even if you only come up with one or two things when you begin, that’s okay. The more you look for things to be grateful for, the more things to be grateful for you’ll find, and the more you do this, the easier it becomes.

Over time you’ll discover that focusing on being grateful is a simple and powerful way to shift your thinking from “lack” to “abundance” and from “negative” to “positive.” This in turn will naturally lead you to experience the feelings of happiness more intensely, as well as more often.

A Life Full of Thanksgiving

As much as I love the holidays, there is something special and peaceful about the few days before they arrive. The quiet you feel just before all of the preparation begins and the visitors arrive. Before the anticipation of a meal well cooked and the welcomed sounds and smells of the holidays. It’s this time that I take to remind myself of the everyday things we can each do to be in the moment, aligned and thankful.

So as you are preparing for your festivities this week, whether it includes a large family dinner, visiting friends, watching football or up early shopping on Friday, here are four things that you can do to be present and enjoy every moment!

1. Love yourself. If you haven’t already, take the time this week to appreciate yourself. Just like the other relationships in your life that you hold dear, your relationship with your self requires nurturing as well! Put yourself at the top of your list and thank yourself for the wonderful person you are. You cannot share with the world what you don’t have for yourself. If gratitude lists are a part of your practice – make sure that you are on the list!

2. Live your life. The word “live” as a verb is an exciting declaration in that it reminds us that we are alive. It’s meanings; to be alive, to experience firsthand as in to live it up – to live with gusto is a reminder to live in the moment. Put away your to-do list for a few days and remember that living is something you do, not a task that you cross off!

3. Be excited. Be absolutely excited about life! Laugh out loud, often and hearty. Dance to the rhythm of your life and sing your lifesong! Your life is waiting for YOU! Be in joy!

4. Appreciate your value. Before you begin looking for that special gift at the right price. Take a moment to appreciate all of the areas in your life that are priceless such as your self, your family, your time, your health and so much more! Appreciating your value can expand your consciousness in so many ways.

As you experience the holiday don’t forget to love yourself, live your life, be excited and appreciate your value!

Wishing you plenty of love, laughter, food and a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Positive Attitude

As you embark upon the eve of a fabulous day, Thanksgiving Day, there is much to be taken care of, family to celebrate this special day with and an array of fabulous dishes to enjoy and bewilder at. Staying in the right frame of mind going into the holiday will make a world of difference post the event.

Here’s what we want to happen and how we can have a wonderful time with our friends and family over the holiday weekend and still keep ourselves on our pathway to greater health and well-being. There’s absolutely no need to approach this holiday season with fear for the unknown; you know there are tons of foods, desserts and beverages. Think about it, how many times have you enjoyed this venue before? Many of us are looking at decades upon decades of following through and relishing in this special time of year. You’ve been here before, you’ll be here again. How about this year you stay under control, enjoy the best of what’s around, maintain an optimistic outlook and control how you view this situation and keep that cheerful glow as you meander through your celebration.

Here are some helpful ways to encourage an upbeat approach over the holiday weekend:

~Give yourself permission to taste everything your heart desires.
~Construct a well thought out plan that includes daily movement.
~Be an activist for yourself and take the necessary steps to be in control of each situation.
~Enter a situation with confidence.
~Put a smile on your face and a spring in your step.
~Pamper you! Shower, dress to impress yourself, take time for your hair and add a little make-up.
~Stand tall, shoulders back and relaxed and strut your stuff.
~Know deep down inside that you are a powerful, successful woman.

You are the woman for the job. You can construct your mind-set to one that approaches each and every situation with a viewpoint that consists of vigor, encouragement and one that is filled with confidence for your ability to stay under control. I have all the confidence in the world that you can and will follow through with your desires to stay on course this Thanksgiving holiday season. Do it for you!

The Notorious Cookie Swap

I have a wonderful friend who simply falls apart at the thought of baking 12 dozen (I’m not exaggerating) holiday cookies. It sends her into a tizzy, trashes her aspirations of healthy eating and stresses the poor woman out to the gills. There seems to be a simple explanation and solution to this predicament…Don’t engage in the swap!

It’s sometimes not that easy, right? Saying no to events that hover around the holiday period tends to cast a spell on us sometimes and draw us into their captivating ora even though we don’t particularly enjoy them or want to participate in them whatsoever. Being a part of the infamous “cookie swap” is one of those time consuming, stressful events that never seems to skip a beat at this time of year. Bah humbug you may be thinking, is this coach Scrooge? No, it is your health and wellness coach stressing the importance of not allowing yourself to get into situations that have a definite opportunity to trash your inner most goals and dreams.

Let’s examine the happenings of introducing holiday cookies into your merriment, how many calories they entail and what you have to do to erase their existence in your beautiful self. Perhaps if you see in black and white what they are worth and what you must accomplish to shred their calories it may deter you from entering a cookie swap, delving into their creations and if nothing else, gives you the awareness of what you are getting yourself involved in. According to The Complete Food Counter written by Natow and Heslin the following small biscuits have the following calories:

*1 peanut butter kiss cookie = 109 *1gingersnap cookie = 31 *1 chocolate chip cookie = 76
*1 chocolate dipped coconut macaroon = 125 *1 thumbprint cookie = 144 *1 plain sugar cookie = 94

It’s that jovial number that plays a part in the enjoyment of cookies. Can you eat just one? If you can then there really isn’t much to worry about truthfully. However, when one leads to two, three, four or more, it takes 140-pound woman 5 minutes of jumping jacks to burn off a gingersnap cookie, a peanut butter kiss cookie takes 30 minutes of vacuuming, a thumbprint cookie requires 16 minutes of stair stepping, and one plain sugar cookie involves almost an hour of wrapping presents. So as you can plainly see one little cookie leads to multiple times the amount of energy that must be exerted to burn that little bugger off. The next time you are tempted to indulge ask yourself one small question “is it worth it?”

The Mental Game of Success: Winning the Game of Life

Sports champions know how to win and accomplish their dreams. They have learned the secrets of winning and success in sport. The mental game concepts that follow are familiar ones in the sport world. Let's examine these principles and laws of winning in sport and see how we can apply them to our daily lives.

Championship sports stars know what these principles mean, honor them and apply them in their training and competitions:

1. Second Effort. Making that extra effort can make the difference between winning and just barely losing. It means going the extra mile-when you are tired, when victory is not a guarantee, when things look bleak. Champions routinely push themselves.

2. Get It Done. High achievers use this phrase constantly to display their commitment to the task at hand. They will do whatever it takes, against all odds, to succeed, once they have made the commitment to succeed. There is no doubt it will happen. Just "get it done".

3. The Killer Instinct. Only champions have this. Champions know how to finish off a contest once a lead is established. They have no qualms about defeating the opponent. They keep their sights aimed at victory and are unrelenting as they forge ahead to victory.

4. Raising Your Game. Champions know that performance levels must be ratcheted up at various stages of a contest. To seize an opportunity to win, the champion digs deep and pulls up from within the all-encompassing desire to succeed that takes them to the next level.

5. Coming From Behind. Champions know how to win even on a bad day. They hope for the best but also have plans for the worst. They are able to kick themselves out of the cellar and find a way to win, even if it is not pretty. They want that W next to their name.

6. Playing to Win. Champions are not bashful or ashamed to say that they love winning. They play positively, confidently and play like they mean it. They take bold, yet reasoned chances and believe that they will succeed. They play with positive expectancy of success.

7. Avoid "Playing Not to Lose". Losers or also-rans play not to lose. They play scared, they worry about making errors, they are indecisive, they doubt themselves. When they get a lead they protect it and are fearful of losing it. Champions hate to lose more than they love to win and will do everything in their power to make sure they win.

8. Avoid "Protecting a Lead". Champions don't attempt to protect leads. They seek to increase leads. Also-rans try to protect a lead and lose in the process. Champions step up to the plate and go for it even more because they allow that surge of confidence to take them over and go to the next level as they increase contest momentum.

9. Digging Deep. Champions live for those make-it or break-it pivotal moments in a contest that make great theater. They compete to taste those times when only a supreme back-breaking effort will propel them to victory. They want to have a story to tell. They want to be a in a contest that is meaningful and significant and that will be remembered for a long, long time. They reach deep down inside themselves to find the magic needed to win.

10. In-The-Zone. The high achiever knows how to climb into that optimal performance zone and ride the wave of success. They know how to get in the flow and allow things to happen. They don't get in their own way and block themselves. They soar with success.

11. Getting the Momentum. Peak performers understand and use momentum to their advantage. Every "contest" has momentum and the secret is to identify it and tap into it. The champion increases momentum and the chances of success by ramping up energy and by taking more chances when they have it. They honor and use momentum.

12. No Mind Games. A true champion does not need to play mind games. The champion is aware of all potential mind games that may be evident from various opponents and is ready for them. The champion counters all mind games and maintains true integrity.

Champions are a different breed. Are they born this way or do they develop the attributes of winners? Whatever the mixture, we can learn mightily from them. We can be inspired by them, use them as benchmarks and hold them as role models. Just as they win the mental game of sport, we can win the mental game of life.

How to Overcome Your Fear of Risk-Taking

It's easy to keep doing what you are doing because if you keep things the same, you don't have to be afraid of things turning out bad. However, if you don't risk even a bit, you won't get to enjoy the rewards that come with it.

Overcoming Your Fears

You are well aware that it is risky to take risks. If you are going to be brave, you first need to overcome the fears that you have. But this may be harder than it sounds. If you lived most of your live fearing something, that fear will stick heavily in your mind, but that doesn't mean you can't change it. You just need to be willing to overcome those fears. If overcoming fears is what you truly want, you will be able to do it.

The following are some tips on overcoming fear:

1. Understand What Your Fears Are. Be aware of what you are really afraid of. You will soon see how much those fears limit you because of the way you react when faced with them.

* Suppose you are scared of driving, if you get into the driver's seat, you might think "Oh gosh! I have to get out of here!" And if you keep doing this, you will continue to be scared. Understand that your fears are real, but try to go into the situation using inner strength and bravery.

2. Overcoming Fears. A lot of times, we get scared of things because we don't understand them. And just because they're in the unknown, so we think of them as a risk to us.

* One example might be not going to college because you fear the work you will have to do or the people you will meet. To get over this fear, you can take steps toward becoming familiar with the courses you will take, the people you will meet, and the actual campus, so that you can become more confident in it. If you do this, you won't be as scared, but rather relieved.

3. Fix the Way You Think. If you change how you think about particular things, you will react to them differently. You might be overwhelmed by your fears sometimes, but you need to make this stop.

* For instance, If you believe you can't get a girl to go on a date, you won't. If you believe that you can, though, you will be much more successful.

How to Take Risks

When you have overcome the fears in your mind, you need to start taking some risks. Even if you don't think about them, you take some risks each and every day. A lot of the risks you take are little, but there is a risk to nearly every decision that you make.

Use these tips to assist you in getting your mind ready to take risks:

* Risks might sound bad, so consider them a "journey" or "adventure" in your life.

* Think of the outcome in a positive way.

Getting Everything Together

If you aren't sure about it, start out taking tiny steps toward your goal. Things won't change immediately overnight, but if you believe that you can learn to take risks, the change will be able to occur.

To take risks, you have to overcome your fears for they come in tandem. Begin small and think big. You only live once, so you should try to make it the best time possible!

How about some fine-tuning of your attitude?

Aviation is a very interesting field. When flying an aircraft, the pilot has to watch a small gadget called the Attitude Indicator which reveals the plane's attitude. In simple terms, the plane's attitude is its position in relation to the earth's horizon. Pilots know that the aircraft's attitude is of great importance since incorrect attitude can spell tragedy while a correct attitude ensures a successful journey, among other things.

You can be adversely circumstanced in life but your resultant attitude affects you more that the actual circumstance. Your response is your responsibility because you have the ability to respond in a constructive manner hence the word response-ability; Your ability to respond in a manner that does not put the circumstance in the driving seat of your life but keeps you in charge. You can choose to be a victim of circumstances or a victor in circumstances.

Your acceleration in life is not circumstantial but attitudinal and the attitude is optional. It could be a fact that your company does not remunerate the way you would want and then decide, "since my tax deduction is in accordance with how I earn I will also practice W.A.Y.E (Work As You Earn) on my job." You consequently decide to always go to work late and find every possible opportunity to leave early. There is no need to debate whether the possessor of such an attitude will excel in their chosen field of endeavor. For, not only is your reputation at stake, but your emotional health as well. On the other spectrum you can opt to say, "My company does not pay that much, but in terms of my work I commit to excellence and I choose never to be found wanting." With such an attitude you will not spend ten years or even five at the same level. Your reputation will certainly improve, but even your emotional health will get better.

It would be wonderful to employ people whose job description is to monitor and adjust your attitude while you attend to other things, but it is not so. Like bathing, your attitude in relation to your environment is a personal matter that only you can take care of.

Take a new look at your attitude to see if there are no small adjustments required. Work on your attitude today and ensure that it is congruent with the good that you desire for yourself.

There are many capable people who will not reach their zenith, not because nature has an implacable spite against them but as a result of not fine-tuning their attitude. They have been endowed with massive potential but they utilize it in the wrong direction.

It is you and not your circumstances that determine a nose up or nose down attitude. Take response-ability for your life and you will reach your zenith.

The Point is to Labour

This last year has seen the spotlight on organisational values as never before. Particularly, but not exclusively, here in the UK.

First, we discovered that our big banks were no longer true to the values of thrift, prudence, and good housekeeping.

Then we found out that some of the top bankers cared more about the value of feathering their own nest than looking after their customers' cash.

And finally we saw how some of our politicians paid more attention to the value of personal profit than public service.

The resulting clamour only serves to underline Alvin Toffler's quote that "every organisation has a belief system and it is at least as important as, if not more important than, its accounting system and authority system."

Leadership expert John Maxwell says that values are an organisation's glue, compass, and identity, rolled up in one.

When Unilever talk about the value of co-operation, and Mars talk about the value of efficiency, and IBM talk about the value of innovation, they're really saying "this is what matters to us, to our customers, and to those who work here." They are, quite simply, non-negotiable.

My favourite story about the value of values comes from Mother Teresa, the Catholic nun who founded the Mission of Charity in Kolkata in 1950 and worked tirelessly for the poor, the sick and the dying until her death in 1997.

The story is that a woman from America decided to go and work for Mother Teresa in her Kolkata refuge. The woman was married to a rich businessman and an accomplished fixer in her own right. She thought that her skills could make a real difference to Mother Teresa's work and at the same time bring her some enrichment and enlightenment.

When she arrived at the refuge, she saw the nuns cleaning the floors with old cloths. A month after observing the harsh conditions, she went to Mother Teresa and said, "I can get you everything you need to clean this place. Brooms. Mops. Cleaning machines. And it won't cost you a penny."

"Cleaning machines?" replied Mother Teresa.

"Yes," replied the woman, "they'll save you time and labour."

"Labour-saving devices?" replied Mother Teresa. "But, my dear, the point is to labour," and, with that, she smiled and walked away.

Permission to Permission to Succeed

At this special time of year our festivities are sure to sweep us off our feet and, amongst all the hoopla, pumpkin pies and holiday decor comes the realization that once again, we are faced with some large challenges. Stay focused under the barrage of snacks, hold your head high above the buffet table and walk calmly throughout the array of dishes awaiting your arrival.

It’s totally fine to enjoy this holiday event and walk away feeling confident, victorious and flourishing in your ability to take the lucrative steps toward feeling like a winner and still being able to zipper your pants with ease. Today is the day to let your hair down, wallow in your accomplishments and hold on to your ability to stay in control and proceed with prize-winning presence. Why not decide which wonders you will adhere to as you set sail on this magnificent day.

~Take the time to involve movement into your morning hours. This will set your tone for the day which we anticipate to be one filled with pleasure, control and delight.
~Walk yourself through your day of positive choices while you are exercising.
~Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Did I mention to drink lots of water?
~If you are the dinnertime chef, hire a taste tester and avoid hundreds of unnecessary calories.
~Survey the dinner table choices before you sit down to enjoy your fare.
~Be sure to choose a smaller plate when it is time to choose your food selections.
~Pick your most favorite dishes to indulge in, leave the everyday ones for another time.
~Make your options special and enjoy each and every morsel that you select.
~Take a small spoonful of each chosen fare to grace the presence of your platter.
~Position yourself far away from your trigger foods and do not allow them to take control.
~Remember, it is about everything in moderation.

Having faith in yourself and believing in your ability to make the right decisions that will support your goals is completely and utterly within your reach and your right during any point on your travels toward a nimble, elegant way of living. Take each moment as it enters your time frame and make the choices that you so desire. Possessing the inner strength and following through with your personal desires steer your pathway toward a happy, spirited self. Work it, own it and be all you can be!

Delayed Gratification

Delayed gratification. That's a phrase that few people like to hear—we are the "give it to me and give it to me now" generation. Literally, we don't often think along the terms of "grow” rich. We want to start a business and have it do what Google did. Everybody wants that. But can you plan on that? No.

Can you plant an oak tree in your yard and have it reach majestic heights of 100 feet in one season? No, the person who as a young person, or as a new occupant of a place, plants those seeds—or plants those saplings—plants for a very long time… many, many years of shade and beauty and enjoyment.

But those first few years the tree was kind of weak and kind of catching ahold; and in the same way, so is your business life, your financial life, your investment life, your estate life. It does take forethought and foresight. It does take investigating and finding out what you would want.

Now, this is what you would want for the future, not what anybody else would want. And you do that knowing that the allotted course of the human is to be a child, to grow through the fire of youth, to slow down, become more balanced in middle age, and to trail off the face of the earth.

Unless the Gods intervene, bringing somebody an early death, that is the process—and nothing that we have any consciousness about, except for the ever-renewing presence that we call HoloMagic, that we call Infinite Intelligence, that we call God, has ordained any changes. Other than that, everything has a life—be that measured in the billions of years for galaxies, or much less.

Do you know that there are insects whose whole lifespan is encompassed in a single day?

Phew! But we're not any of those, neither Gods, nor galaxies, nor insects. We’re human beings. We have to think, we have to plan. And we recognize that in the beginning years we are sowing for the ever-coming years. We will not need to do this again and again and again, but we need to do it in the beginning.

That's the concept of delayed gratification. The jewels, the diamonds, the cars, the trips—oh, I know. I know how bad you want them, and I know you want them now. But I know you're strong enough and smart enough to know that delayed gratification is your route to fulfillment leveraged over. You wouldn't even be reading these words if you weren't that smart.

This is what they mean when they say, "40, 70, 100 times over." From the seed grows the plant that produces thousands and thousands more seeds, and thousands and thousands more plants, and continues to grow larger and larger every single year.

My friend, Napoleon Hill, says it’s “compound interest on top of compound interest”.

Embrace it. It's just like "discipline." It's just like "thinking." Investing, "delayed gratification", is a very good term, and an absolutely essential concept you must have to consciously think and grow rich.

What happens when you “What if?” by Stephanie Frank

It was 3:30 p.m. on Sunday afternoon, and I was walking out of the movie theater with a giant knot in the pit of my stomach. I had just seen the movie “2012″.

After going in with much anticipation and knowing that I would need to keep a strong mind to be able to stay positive in the midst of so much chaos and negativity, I was astonished to find that in my own mind, I had created a massive dose of anxiety and fear in my mind and body. How could that be? After all, aren’t I some kind of new thought guru that understands how thoughts can create emotion? Don’t I have control of my own thoughts?

Apparently not.

The “what if” monster got me good. I found myself sitting in the theater, watching the Earth destruct in 2012 and thinking:

* What if it’s true?
* What if there is scientific data and I have been ignoring it?
* What if everything I’m doing is for nothing?
* What if the belief I have about 2012 being a spiritual new world is wrong?
* What if I don’t see my family before then?

And the biggest (and honestly most selfish) thought of all:

What if I’m not one of the survivors?

I needed to come back to the present moment and I needed to do it now. But I couldn’t. I decided to check it out a little more on the internet, just to calm my nerves. Conspiracy theorists, propaganda, predictions galore. (What was I expecting?) My nerves got worse as I surfed. I really wanted to stop, but I almost couldn’t. It was kind of like picking a scab and expecting a cut to heal. Finally, the anxiety got to a point where I couldn’t ignore it.

And I did this to MYSELF!

“Get away from the Internet”, my own voice told me. “There is only this moment. The future hasn’t happened.”

“Yes, I know,” I said to myself “but what if…”

“STOP IT!”

Leaning back in my chair, I felt powerful just clicking the little X to close the window on my browser. Predictions be gone. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen (or not happen) and that’s just the way it is. Have you ever felt anxiety over a situation and obsessed about the negative outcome? Of course you have. But when you come back into the present moment, set up a step by step plan and get into action, there is no “what if”. There is only NOW.

What do you need stop worrying about and get into the present about right now? Leave me a comment and let’s stay present together.

All is ok.

Week: Failure Can Lead To Success! by Dr. Cindy Brown

While I am traveling and at business conferences I often learn many valuable life and business lessons from those I meet along the way and those I see speak at these events. This past week I was in Las Vegas, NV at my friend Ali Brown’s wonderful event “SHINE.” This event was set up to help entrepreneurs Shine in their businesses and in their lives.

My biggest take-away was from guest speaker Barbara Corcoran, one of the hosts of the hot TV show "Shark Tank." She spoke about moving forward despite being told the big word - “No” - and being teased and told she was not talented. She shared with us a story about her journey and failures throughout her life and how the negatives, despite sometimes being painful, motivated her to keep becoming stronger as a person and more successful in her business.

Marlee Matlin also spoke at the event, and she told us how she used the constant prejudice and judgment hurled at her and in the tabloids as a catalyst to help her prove them wrong. She admitted she had to work harder than most to make up for her disability of being deaf, however, she was able to, because she wouldn’t let up and kept presenting a reason to say YES to her.

What are the Challenges that you are Facing Right Now? How Can You Take These and use this Energy to Propel Yourself forward?

Here are some quick tips to go from challenge to the finish line:

1. You first have to psych yourself up and out of negative energy and talk to yourself in positive self-talk to change your energy thinking and feeling from negative to positive

2. You then have to brainstorm new ideas to move yourself from failure or challenge to the winners circle. Make a big list of every possible solution.

3. Choose at least one solution (or maybe more than one) and then create a plan of action. Plan out all the steps thoroughly, including all the specific steps. List the support materials and people you need to help you accomplish your goal of success.

4. Implement this plan of action thoroughly until you reach success. Don’t stop short of your goal of success. If you get to a challenge, re-group, re-think, re-plan and keep on going until you reach success!

These are some quick and simple ways to prove failure is not an option for you. Challenges may come, however you don’t need to allow that to stop you from reaching success.

Oh Yes, Have Fun too!

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call or contact me so I can support you (and your relationships) in having the best life you've ever had!

Why Positive Affirmations May Not Be Working For You by Laurie J. Brenner

Are you one of those people with little post-it notes and sayings pasted around your mirror or on your bulletin board? Do you have any posted on your refrigerator so that every time you open the refrigerator door you find a positive affirmation staring you in the face? Are you saying the words and chanting the chants but are finding that positive affirmations are not working for you?

You are not alone.

But don't throw out the baby with the bath water. There is a very good reason why your positive affirmations are not working. And it may not have anything to do with something you even know about.

Everything is Energy
If you've been paying attention to quantum physics, metaphysics, or the law of attraction, you may already know that everything is energy. Even Einstein's theory of relativity proves this. We don't need a quantum physicist to tell us that E=MC2. Basically, physical matter is just compressed energy. And energy vibrates. And since everything is energy, everything vibrates at specific frequencies.

For instance, humans vibrate between 60-80 megahertz. Fresh fruits vibrate at around 80 megahertz (this is why they are so good for the body), raw green vegetables at about 65-72 megahertz, and fast food French Fries at less than 1 megahertz (this is why they are so bad for the body).

The point of this demonstration is that everything is energy and everything vibrates. In fact, you are energy at the core of your being. And trapped there you may find some energy patterns being repeated over and over, as they emanate from your subconscious programming.

You Are Like An Iceberg
Just like an iceberg with 80% below the surface, human beings primarily operate from their subconscious programming. This programming came about during your childhood and most of these energy patterns formed before you were eight. These energy patterns are not necessarily good or bad, they are just there as a result of the emotional conditioning you received at the hands of your caretakers. Whatever belief patterns your caretakers had, you either adopted their patterns or rejected their patterns. In either case, your patterns are a direct result of what you learned from your caretakers.

And some of these patterns may not now be serving you. So no matter how many positive affirmations you state, your deeply conditioned energy, emotional, and behavior patterns may be working against you.

In order for your positive affirmations to work - you need to remove these old and outdated energy patterns and take back the life with which you've empowered them. Imagine yourself free from these restrictions of childhood - then when you state an affirmation - it is empowered with the energy from your heart center. When that happens, watch out because what you are imaging for your life will be there before you can think about it for very long!

I've been on my spiritual path for well over 30 years and I've been able to manifest a lot of things from my soul mate to my dream car and then my dream house. But money was something I'd always had trouble with before I learned to work with energy at its source.

You Choose: Laugh or Cry by Marnie Green

Some days are filled with one challenge after another. Today was one of those days. What made it so challenging? Here are a few of the highlights.

I woke up late with a four mile run ahead of me. I’m training for another half-marathon and if I don’t get the requisite miles in I’m going to be sorry. Today’s run seemed like the longest four miles ever. I suffered a sore back, aching shins, and the constant thought that this should be easier. Knowing that the big race is fast approaching, the voice in my head was really whining. I got through it and followed it with a short walk with Mia, the poodle. She was happy.

Today is also a travel day. I packed my bag and dressed for the trip eastward. Knowing it would be much colder in Washington, DC than in Phoenix and learning from my flip flop mistake of last week (Salt Lake City and sandals don’t mix in the winter), I decided to wear closed toe, “sensible” shoes. Having few options in my closet, I pull out my trusty brown clogs and put on my warm socks. Rushing through the airport to catch my flight I couldn’t figure out why these shoes felt so “funny.” They were making my back hurt even more and they just seemed “wrong.” As soon as I got to the gate I realized the problem. My trusty clogs, which I thought were made of wood, were actually made of foam which had begun to disintegrate. The bottoms of my shoes were falling off right there in the terminal. The only alternative I could consider was to put on my black patent leather pumps which were in my suitcase. Of course, this was not a viable option as the pumps did not go with my outfit. I tried taping the bottoms with tape I stole from the gate agent, but I continued to “shed” my soles throughout the long trip. I felt like crying.

Phoenix to Washington, DC is a four and a half hour flight and first class upgrades weren’t available. Believe me, I tried. So, I packed my laptop and trade journals and headed to the next best seat: 10D, on the aisle in the exit row. When I arrived at my assigned seat I met my seatmate. Joe is a 450+ pound traveler who usually flies first class because of his size. Today he’s been re-routed and the airline didn’t have his usual seat available. On this full flight they had just one seat to offer him—the one next to me. As I settled in to my seat with Joe nuzzled up close, I realized that I was “one cheek to the aisle.” Without armrests, tray tables, or ability to see through my seatmate to the window, I was in this for the long haul. Again, I felt like crying.

It’s on days like these when I hear my mother’s sage advice. When I was in high school and all teenage-like and hormonal, I’d occasionally come home from school and cry about something someone said to me or something that didn’t go my way. Mom would console me for a short time and then she’d say, “Now, stop your crying. A week from now you won’t remember what you were crying about.” And, you know what? She was right. I don’t remember any of the causes of those tearful times. I won’t remember this day either.

It’s days like this that remind me: we choose how we react, in every situation. We choose to be upset. We choose to be negative. We choose to be “easy to get along with” (as the flight attendants described me today!). And, my Mom was right. You usually don’t remember the details for too long.

I ended up having a great flight. I hung out with the great flight attendants in the galley. I got this article written, and I now have a good excuse to get a new pair of shoes. I even got a voucher from US Airways “for my trouble.” I’ve chosen to be unhappy as a response to situations in the past and it’s not a good thing. Today, I chose to just laugh about it. What a better choice.

Do what you love and love what you do by Michelle Ainslie

One of my greatest joys is helping people make their dreams come true. There's just something purely magical about the sparkle in their eyes when they are doing what they love. I think it resonates so loudly with me because I know how they feel. Only recently did I have the courage to work for myself and do what I love. Before then I was simply doing what was expected of me (and what I expected of myself), even if it meant staying in a job that I hated.

The thing is, we all have dreams. But we also all have responsibilities, bills to pay and mouths to feed. We put our big dreams on hold for a day when our kids are finished school, when we've made a lot of money or when we've retired and can finally do what we want to do. I don't know about you, but I was sick and tired of waiting for "one day". One day never comes - all you have is today.

Don't worry, I'm not about to suggest that you resign and start backpacking through Europe. Quite the contrary. You will probably need to stay in your current job for a while still. You may ask, "How can I start living my dreams now if most of my life is spent in a job that I hate?" I would like to suggest the following: Love what you do (even now). Because that will lead you to doing what you love.

You have the power to create the life you love right now. Dr John Demartini says in his book, 'Count your blessings': "We can either make excuses or we can make our dreams come true. The choice is ours, and the secret is to determine what we love to do and begin doing it!"

You are probably asking how you can love what you do right now if your days are filled with boring admin, a bitch of a boss or and endless string of phone calls to answer. Here is what Dr Demartini suggests:

List 30 things about your job that you like and 30 things that you don't like. Then, take a look at each item on your list and think about how that task helps you to prepare to do more about what you are inspired to do. For example, if you don't like making tea for your boss, think about how learning to serve will help you when you are following your dream. Or, if you don't like answering the phone, imagine how much better prepared you will be to deal with phone calls in your own business one day.

Once we start noticing how even the mundane tasks we do today can actually have an influence on our dream starting to come true, suddenly we start loving what we do. That attitude change alone makes our dreams come true that much faster. As Dr Demartini says, "When you link your daily actions to your purpose, you live the life you love. If you don't fill your life with what you do love, it becomes filled with what you don't."

I would also like to suggest that you start taking tangible steps toward reaching your dream each day. So, if you want to be an artist, start painting in the evenings after work or over weekends. If you dream of writing a book, start writing over your lunch break. Just start. A further piece of advice from Dr Demartini rings true: "Every dream has its price and reward. When you're inspired by your purpose, you're willing to pay the price and accept the pain and pleasure of self-discipline." You may need to work harder now, but that extra effort is far more rewarding than regret could ever be.

Write the first three action steps you would take to do what you love. Commit to doing the first step before the end of this week.

After that step, take another and another. Pretty soon you will be stepping right into the life of your dreams.

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however." - Richard Bach

You Have To Start Overby Michael Angier

You Have to Start Over

Someone asked me awhile ago what I was really good at. Half kidding, I responded, "Starting over!"

The reason I was only HALF kidding is because I am very familiar with starting over. I've started over in business. I've started over in marriage. I've started over financially and in my career.

And unless you live a spectacularly blissful life, at some point—usually many points—in your life, you'll need to start over, too.

We all do—in big things and in small.

A project gets delayed or terminated. We get laid off, downsized, right-sized or repurposed. We go off our diet or our exercise program. Hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes, cancer, the flu—all sorts of catastrophes and inconveniences can thwart or stop our forward progress—sometimes sending us all the way back to the starting line.

But you can't let it stop you. To be successful you must become and remain resilient.

Hardly anything goes the way we hope or plan that it will. I'm not being negative here; I'm being realistic. Setbacks, roadblocks and disappointments are just part of the natural ebb and flow of life.

I remember speaking with a young investor a few years ago who was perplexed that the stock market went down. As long as he'd been investing, he had only seen it go up. When the bull turned into a bear, it soured him on the whole thing, and he got out of the market. I bet he wished he'd stayed in now.

Getting upset, frustrated or quitting in the face of difficulty doesn't work and is usually indicative of immaturity, a poor attitude or both.

Every day is a new day. And it's a good thing because it's another opportunity to start over again every day. It matters little what's happened. But it matters a LOT what we do now.

Where most people get in trouble is they lament having to start over. They use up valuable energy being angry and thinking and talking about how unfair it all is. It's a waste of energy and only detracts from their ability to get on with things.

Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and starting fresh is the hallmark of a successful person.

What about you? Where have you gotten off track? Where do you need to start in again, recommit and plod ahead? It doesn't mean we do it in the same way. It means we learn from what we've done, adjust and move on.

My research of successful people has taught me that they are not people who had it easy. In fact, they had it harder than most. But they were resilient. They grew stronger and wiser. They stayed the course, and they won out because of their persistence.

And so can you.

Jim Rohn says, "Don't ask for things to be easier; ask for you to get better."

And starting over isn't always a bad thing. It often can lead to things we would not have found had we continued on in the same mode.

It's not always fun and it's rarely an easy thing to do. But it IS necessary in order to achieve what's truly important to us.

"We Can't Communicate" by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

What are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"?

The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate."

All too often, when a partner states, "We can't communicate," what he or she means is "I can't get my partner to listen to me and understand things from my point of view." And underneath this is, "If my partner only understood things through my eyes, he or she would then change and do things my way."

So what partners often mean when they say, "We can't communicate," is "I want to control my partner and he or she won't listen."

Think about the last time you tried to communicate with your partner. Now, be honest with yourself - why did you want to communicate?

The chances are that if what you wanted to communicate about was an interesting or funny situation that happened to you, or about your own learning and growth with no agenda for your partner to change, your partner was more than willing to listen. But if you wanted to communicate about your feelings of unhappiness about something your partner did or was doing, your partner was not so receptive. Or your partner might tune you out if you were being a victim and complaining about someone or a situation and wanting sympathy rather than real help.

Too often, communicating your "feelings" is a way of making your partner responsible for your feelings. He or she has to change for you to feel okay, or do something to take responsibility for your feelings. When this is the case, your partner might be less than enthusiastic about communicating, because his or her experience is that you are using your feelings as a form of blame and control. No one likes to be at the other end of that.

When couples consult with me and state "We can't communicate," I immediately know that, in one way or another, they are both trying to control each other rather than learn. What they really mean is that they can't communicate about problems because one or both are not open to learning about themselves and the other. One or both are trying to get the other to change rather than learn about how they are each creating their own problems or the problem between them and what loving actions they each need to take.

Many couples, at the beginning of their relationship, say, "We can talk to each other for hours." Yet later in the relationship they "can't communicate." This is because at the beginning of the relationship they were not making the other person responsible for their feelings. They were sharing themselves and listening to the other to LEARN about each other.

Yet, within a short time of moving into a committed relationship, they stop learning and start controlling. Instead of giving and sharing, they are now trying to get something from each other. They get stuck in a system where they each want control over getting what they want from the other person - understanding, acceptance, time, attention, approval, affection, sex. As soon as they start to try to have control over getting what they want, they are likely to get into power struggles, as one or both resist being controlled, or one continually gives in and then feels used and resentful.

When each partner learns how to take responsibility for their own feelings, lets go of trying to control the other, and moves into an intent to learn about themselves and each other, they regain their ability to communicate. They don't even need to "learn how to communicate"! Good communication is natural when the intent of the communication is to learn rather than to control.

The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse

Now you must know that a Town Mouse once upon a time went on a visit to his cousin in the country. He was rough and ready, this cousin, but he loved his town friend and made him heartily welcome. Beans and bacon, cheese and bread, were all he had to offer, but he offered them freely. The Town Mouse rather turned up his long nose at this country fare, and said: ‘I cannot understand, Cousin, how you can put up with such poor food as this, but of course you cannot expect anything better in the country; come you with me and I will show you how to live.
When you have been in town a week you will wonder how you could ever have stood a country life.’ No sooner said than done: the two mice set off for the town and arrived at the Town mouse’s residence late at night. ‘You will want some refreshment after our long journey,’ said
the polite Town Mouse, and took his friend into the grand dining-room. There they found the remains of a fine feast, and soon the two mice were eating up jellies and cakes and all that was nice. Suddenly they heard growling and barking.
‘What is that?’ said the CountryMouse.
‘It is only the dogs of the house,’ answered the other. ‘Only!’ said the Country Mouse. ‘I do not like that music at my dinner.’ Just at that moment the door flew open, in came two huge mastiffs, and the two mice had to scamper down and run off. ‘Good-bye, Cousin,’ said the
Country Mouse, ‘What! going so soon?’ said the other.
‘Yes,’ he replied;
‘Better beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear.’

The Man and the Serpent

A Countryman’s son by accident trod upon a Serpent’s tail, which turned and bit him so that he died. The father in a rage got his axe, and pursuing the Serpent, cut off part of its tail. So the Serpent in revenge began stinging several of the Farmer’s cattle and caused him severe loss. Well, the Farmer thought it best to make it up with the Serpent, and brought food and honey to the mouth of its lair, and said to it: ‘Let’s forget and forgive; perhaps you were right to punish my son, and take vengeance on my cattle, but surely I was right in trying to revenge him; now that we are both satisfied why should not we be friends again?’
‘No, no,’ said the Serpent; ‘take away your gifts; you can never forget the death of your son, nor I the loss of my tail.’

Injuries may be forgiven, but not forgotten.

The Wolf and the Crane

A Wolf had been gorging on an animal he had killed, when suddenly a small bone in the meat stuck in his throat and he could not swallow it. He soon felt terrible pain in his throat, and ran up and down groaning and groaning and seeking for something to relieve the pain. He tried to induce every one he met to remove the bone. ‘I would give anything,’ said he, ‘if you would take it out.’ At last the Crane agreed to try, and told the Wolf to lie on his side and open his jaws as wide as he could. Then the Crane put its long neck down the Wolf’s throat, and with its beak loosened the bone, till at last it got it out.
‘Will you kindly give me the reward you promised?’ said the Crane.
The Wolf grinned and showed his teeth and said: ‘Be content. You have put your head inside a Wolf’s mouth and taken it out again in safety; that ought to be reward enough for you.’

Gratitude and greed go not together.

The Lion’s Share

The Lion went once a-hunting along with the Fox, the Jackal, and the Wolf. They hunted and they hunted till at last they surprised a Stag, and soon took its life. Then came the question how the spoil should be divided.
‘Quarter me this Stag,’ roared the Lion; so the other animals skinned it and cut it into four parts. Then the Lion took his stand in front of the carcass and pronounced judgment: The first quarter is for me in my capacity as King of Beasts; the second is mine as arbiter; another share comes to me for my part in the chase; and as for the fourth quarter, well, as for that, I should like to see which of you will dare to lay a paw upon it.’
‘Humph,’ grumbled the Fox as he walked away with his tail between his legs; but he spoke in a low growl .’
You may share the labours of the great, but you will not share the spoil.’

The Wolf and the Lamb

Once upon a time a Wolf was lapping at a spring on a hillside, when, looking up, what should he see but a Lamb just beginning to drink a little lower down. ‘There’s my supper,’ thought he, ‘if only I can find some excuse to seize it.’ Then he called out to the Lamb, ‘How dare you muddle the water from which I am drinking?’
‘Nay, master, nay,’ said Lambikin; ‘if the water be muddy up there, I cannot be the cause of it, for it runs down from you to me.’
‘Well, then,’ said the Wolf, ‘why did you call me bad names this time last year?’
‘That cannot be,’ said the Lamb; ‘I am only six months old.’
‘I don’t care,’ snarled the Wolf; ‘if it was not you it was your father;’ and with that he rushed upon the poor little Lamb and .WARRA WARRA WARRA WARRA WARRA .ate her all up. But before she died she gasped out .

’Any excuse will serve a tyrant.’

The Cock and the Pearl [Aesop's Fables]

The Cock and the Pearl

A cock was once strutting up and down the farmyard among the hens when suddenly he espied something shinning amid the straw. ‘Ho! ho!’ quoth he, ‘that’s for me,’ and soon rooted it out from beneath the straw. What did it turn out to be but a Pearl that by some chance had been lost in the yard? ‘You may be a treasure,’ quoth Master Cock, ‘to men that prize you, but for me I would
rather have a single barley-corn than a peck of pearls.’

Precious things are for those that can prize them.

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People

David Niven [PhD]

This book written by David Niven is very fantastic and extraordinary. You will find this book very useful guiding you in your daily lives. The best things i felt in his book was, firstly he has mentioned & explained every secret with example in simple words. Secondly he has included a surveys & Observations by different Magazines and organisations. One more thing that for a single situation he has apparently mentioned two solutions, such that if prior solution is not possible the later solution can be applied.

I hope that you will enjoy it and learn a lot from this book and surely will have a change in your lifestyles and attitudes specially. To have the explanation of any of the secret click on it, you will be able to see its explanation.

1. Your Life Has Purpose and Meaning

2. Use a Strategy for Happiness

3. You Don't Have to Win Every Time

4. Your Goals Should Be Aligned with One Another

5. Choose Your Comparisons Wisely

6. Cultivate Friendships

7. Turn Off the TV

8. Accept Yourself—Unconditionally

9. Remember Where You Came From

10. Limit Yourself to Thinking About One Subject as You Lie Down to Sleep

11. Friendship Beats Money

12. Have Realistic Expectations