We rely on those closest to us for support. We can accept critical words from those who are not close to us because we can believe they reflect a lack of knowledge about us rather than an actual flaw in us. From our friends and family, however, critical words cut deeply. Try to avoid fixing your friends and family. Love them for who they are. If you must say something negative, always be constructive.
Make your criticism reflect your love and respect, not your disappointment.
"Well, that was stupid," Carol's mother said to her as Carol explained how she had lost a file at work and in the process made her boss angry at her. Stupid. The word flew out of her mother's mouth and slapped Carol in the head. She didn't like having her boss disappointed with her, but her own mother calling her stupid was painful.
Stupid is a common word, with a range of meanings from ill-considered to ignorant. Maybe Carol's mother meant it in the nicest possible terms, but even then, when speaking tosomeone, especially someone close, you have to assume that your words will be taken in the strongest, least positive way.
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Aggression and fixations on disagreements reduces satisfaction in relationships by nearly 70 percent.
Chand 1990
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