When things go poorly, we sometimes start a list of ways we failed, ways we caused the problem. This kind of thinking not only can upset us, it also can keep us from being able to function. The truth is that any situation is the result of some things that are in your control and some things that are out of your control. Don't delude yourself into thinking a bad situation is completely of your making.
Remember, it makes more sense to deal with outcomes than with fault.
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Company is coming, and the dishwasher is spouting water.The flood is spreading across the kitchen floor, heading for the living room. You think to yourself, Why did I have to do the dishes right now? Or, If I had washed the dishes by hand, this wouldn't be happening. If I had waited to use the dishwasher tomorrow, it wouldn't be ruining my night now. It's obvious, if only I had sense enough to see the facts. Why did I even buy this dishwasher? I bet if I had gone with a different model, it wouldn't be flooding my kitchen right now!
When things go wrong we look to lay blame, and often we look in the mirror. Psychologists at the National Institute ofMental Health find that many of us fall victim to the "everything is my fault" approach to life.
1\vo things we often overlook is how little we directly control a situation and how little value there is in spending our time blaming ourselves. These thoughts do not fix the problem.
These thoughts do not make anything better. Blame is about the past; a plan of action to fix a problem is about the future.
Happiness does not depend on how many bad things happen to an individual. What is more important is whether an individual tends to make negative conclusions about him- or herself when negative events occur. Individuals who think of themselves as the cause of negative events are 43 percent less likely to be satisfied than individuals who do not.
Panos 1997
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