The Hundred Simple Secrets of Happy People [12 of 100]

12.....Have realistic expectations.

People who are happy don't get everything they want, but they want most of what they get. In other words, they rig the game in their favor by choosing to value things that are within their grasp. People who find themselves dissatisfied in life often set unreachable goals for themselves, setting themselves up to fail. Yet people who set high goals for themselves and reach them are no happier than people who set and reach more modest goals. Whether you are assessing your position at work or your relationship with your family, don't begin with fantasy pictures of the
world's richest person or the world's ideal family. Stay with reality and strive to make things better, not perfect.

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There was a big retirement party for a high school principal, celebrating his thirty years of service to the Altoona, Pennsylvania, schools. People spoke eloquently of his wonderful contribution to thousands of children's education. At the end of the night of testimonials, he said to his friend, "When I was twentythree, I thought I was eventually going to be president of the
United States."

Here was a man who was universally respected, who had given himself to the vital calling of education, and who had risen through the ranks to lead a high school. And instead of reveling in his accomplishments, he was resigned to his defeats. He was by no means a failure—he was the opposite of failure—but in comparison with his immense and unreachable goals, he could not enjoy his success.

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The congruence of people's goals with their resources strongly correlates with happiness. In other words, the more realistic and attainable people's goals are, the more likely they are to feel good about themselves. People who conclude their goals are out of reach are less than one-tenth as likely to consider themselves satisfied with life.

Diener and Fujita 1995