When we want to be with friends and family, often we want it to be on our terms. If everybody approaches relationships this way, no one will be happy. Instead of thinking only about what you want, think about what the others want too, and consider why it is important to spend time together. Accept that there are always differences between people and that if you are flexible you will enjoy your time with them more and feel closer to them.
Three sisters, Donna, Marie, and April, all want to hold the family's Christmas celebration at their .house. For years, they took turns, rotating to all three houses every three years. Then
Donna had a child and wanted to have the family over to her house every year. She wanted her son to be able to wake up and see the tree and spend the whole day at home. Marie didn't think that was fair. She wanted things done the same as they had always been done. Marie became uncomfortable at Donna's house, and Donna became uncomfortable at Marie's. April was left in the uncomfortable position of not being able to do anything except sacrifice her own turn.
Ultimately, the conflict existed because the sisters wanted to be together as a family. However, their desire to be together on their own terms kept them from being peacefully together. It is
far better to be flexible enough to sacrifice what's personally ideal to have something acceptable, than to sacrifice the acceptable to have nothing.
Nearly all individuals report significant changes in their lives and in their values over the course of time. Those who viewed these changes as inevitable and remained open to the possibility that changes would be positive were 35 percent more likely to be satisfied with their lives than those who did not.
Minetti 1997
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